it has been 49 days since you left and i miss you so much

;

there's this thing that puzzles me a lot. how are people able to continue with life knowing the fact that so many people are dying in this world. one click on your mouse might just signify the death of yet another human being somewhere across the world, yet we are able to act like nothing has happened, like how we did not just lose one more person in the hands of suicide, cancer or god knows what. it's so infuriating knowing that people are able to joke about one's death or easily say the word 'die' as if that word does not carry a grave meaning behind it's back. how are we able to continue on with life knowing that someone close to us just passed away, without a proper goodbye or anything. he's gone. just like that. slowly, in his sleep, he went to a better place and decided that it was a good place to stay for the rest of his like and never come back. death is such a bitch. it takes away lives as if they're worth nothing. the deceased is not able to have a proper goodbye nor are the closed ones able to have their last words. it's as though they're just like "oh his time is up time to take him up and never come back down". but the people suffering the most are the people around him, not himself. death is such an irresponsible act, you decide to dump everything in this world and leave for a better place, leaving all your shit for the people around you to clear. and together with the shitty feelings your family, friends get with your death, the entire feeling just sucks balls. then you have to go through this entire process of crying your eyes out, telling people that he actually passed away, and generally just getting over the fact that he is not here anymore, and will probably never ever come back. no, he will most definitely not come back. and this brings me back to my first point - that life goes on even after someone die. yes, they may mourn for your death for the first few weeks, but thereafter, after they proceed on with their own lives - without you, you are just going to become a memory that is being kept at a tiny corner of their brains, and soon to be forgotten and into oblivion.

sorry for the major word vomit but i couldn't stand it and i had to let it out somewhere. my thoughts are so jumbled up it's so difficult to even form coherent sentences with them. yes in conclusion, dying sucks and don't even think of dying because what you'll end up hurting is the people around you.

que será, será

i am making a comeback here because i figured that this blog has been left untouched for too long and i want to be able to note down bits and pieces so that i can look back 10 years later and laugh at how stupid i was when i was younger. exams ended not too long ago and i can say that i am enjoying life right now. no more hitting the books straight away when i get home, i can take my life slowly and easily and this feeling is really wonderful.

however i did get my results back and it was total poop. i was so disappointed in myself because i failed emath i repeat i failed emath. i was so careless throughout the paper and this always seem to happen whenever i panic during an exam. I failed my chinese essay again yay what's new. anyway my results this time round were so horrible. but it's no use crying over spilt milk so i'm going to suck it up and move on and study harder and hopefully score better the next time round.

life after exams is pretty mundane, my days usually end off with me watching dramas till the wee hours in the morning even though i have school later on. lessons and trainings are resuming next week though, which is a huge turn off because nobody has the mood for lessons much less trainings after exams. on the bright side, only 7 trainings more before protected time for 3 weeks yASSSSSS.

sometimes i wonder what happened to the sec 1 me, when i was so passionate about netball. now i just hate trainings and lost all passion for the sport. i just find it extremely useless wasting 6 hours every week to do something i don't even enjoy doing. maybe this coach killed all my passion for netball, or maybe it's just me growing more and more done day by day.

i'll be going for obs in the second week of june holidays as well and i don't even know what to feel about it, but quite a lot of netballers are going for the camp so i think im looking forward to it????????? i don't know tbh.

on the brighter side, holidays are coming in 2 weeks yeS.

-

Same day, same moon
24/7 every moment repeats
My life is in between
Jobless twenty-somethings are afraid of tomorrow
It’s funny, you think anything is possible when you’re a kid
When you feel how hard it is to get through a day
Keep feeling like the “Control” beat, keep downloading it
Every single day is a repetition of ctrl+c, ctrl+v

I have a long way to go but why am I running in place?
I scream out of frustration but the empty air echoes
I hope tomorrow will be different from today
I’m just wishing

Follow your dream like breaker
Even if it breaks down, oh better
Follow your dream like breaker
Even if it breaks down, don’t ever run backwards, never

Because the dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest
Even in the far future, never forget the you of right now
Wherever you are right now, you’re just taking a break
Don’t give up, you know

Don’t get too far away, tomorrow

The tomorrow we’ve been waiting for becomes the name of yesterday at some point
Tomorrow becomes today, today becomes yesterday, tomorrow becomes yesterday and is behind me
Life isn’t about living along but living through
As you live through, you’ll disappear some day
If you keep spacing out, you’ll be swept away, if you ain’t no got the guts, trust
It’ll all become yesterday anyway so what’s the use?
I wanted to become happy and strong but why am I getting weaker?
Where am I going? I’m going here and there but I always come back here
Yeah, I’ll probably flow somewhere, is there an end to this maze?

Tomorrow, keep walking, we’re too young to stop

Tomorrow, open the door, we see too much to shut the door
When the dark night passes, a bright morning will come
When tomorrow comes, the bright light will shine so don’t worry
This isn’t a stop but just a pause in your life for a break
Turn up your thumbs and press play so everyone can see

Follow your dream like breaker
Even if it breaks down, oh better
Follow your dream like breaker
Even if it breaks down, don’t ever run backwards, never

Because the dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest
Even in the far future, never forget the you of right now
Wherever you are right now, you’re just taking a break
Don’t give up, you know

Don’t get too far away, tomorrow

Greetings folks. I am blogging from my phone so i have no idea how this post will turn out to be but yolo. Bits and pieces of what happened recently includes:
- farewell with seniors at 18chefs and some matcha cafe
- holiday match whiched turned out to be a blast
- desperately trying to read the simplified version of 水浒传
- falling sick
- watching miracle in cell no.7 and bawling my eyes out. I literally had this emotional breakdown I was shaking so badly
- Catching Fire w Charis and missing the taehyung signed pc event
- struggling to keep up with all the gayo daejuns and not lose focus 3 hours into the show
- collaging my notebooks ((i think i did the infinite one really terribly otl it looks very empty))
- spending a boring and lonely Christmas
- finding out that my classroom is going to be on the fricking fifth level again next year

I think that's about it? I can't remember anything else. But anyway I am beyond bored at home I can't believe I'm saying this but I can't wait for school to start even though I'm not the least bit looking forward to camp at all.

Till I get my life sorted out it's goodbye.